So, I was talking to a man who actually seemed pretty normal.
I might even go as far as to say he was a gentleman.
He could carry on a conversation, which already put him ahead of most online dating options.
This guy even used a semicolon in a text, and I was way more impressed than I should have been.
He was practically a grammatical unicorn.
Anyway, he was nice. He started by asking about a profile picture of me on the beach during spring break.
He talked about the smell of the ocean air and sand between your toes.
He understood the need to travel to the ocean, which felt like a good start.
He asked questions and seemed genuinely interested in getting to know me.
Over a couple of days, we talked quite a bit. By online dating standards, that means I hadn’t blocked him immediately for asking something inappropriate.
Then I got my first feeling that something was off.
He was explaining that he’s a romantic guy and likes doing thoughtful things for a girlfriend. He mentioned giving foot massages.
Lots of men claim to enjoy giving foot massages, which I suspect is often about as truthful as “I love shopping with you,” but I decided to play along.
Then he said, “Well, as you can probably tell, I do like feet a bit, so there’s that,” and added a smiley face.
Thank goodness he added the smiley face.
I replied, “Like feet a normal amount or a lot amount?”
I thought we might as well clear this up right now.
He answered, “Normal amount, I guess; is there an abnormal amount?”
And there it was again—that semicolon.
Who properly uses a semicolon and turns out to be weird?
When I explained that there are definitely abnormal feet people, he assured me he wasn’t one of them. He would never ask for pictures or do anything strange. He was simply trying to explain how romantic and pampering he could be.
Whew. Crisis averted. Or so I thought.
As we kept talking, little references continued popping up.
Then, while discussing a first meeting, I explained that I wanted to meet somewhere public so I would feel safe.
Without missing a beat, he replied: “I want you to be comfortable. We can go anywhere you choose. Will you have your toes painted for this date? I just wondered.”
I slowly typed, “I guess. They are now.”
“Red or pink, I’m guessing.”
“Silver.”
His response? “Mmmmm silver toes…very nice.”
I wish I could tell you I didn’t immediately read that in the creepiest voice imaginable, but I did. More than once.
That was the moment.
This wasn’t “I like feet a little.”
This was “Mmmmm silver toes…I like feet A LOT.”
I would like to point out that it is fine to like feet A LOT, but I am not currently looking to date someone that does.
I am sure that his person is out there for him.
Once I noticed it, I couldn’t stop noticing it. Looking back, the number of foot references was impressive:
- It’s nice feeling your toes in the sand.
- Do you get your toes done before beach trips?
- Are you wearing socks?
- Does music get your toes tapping?
- Are your feet ticklish?
- Were mosquitoes biting your toes?
This man could work feet into any conversation and continued to circle back to my feet.
When I finally called him on it, he admitted it was probably more than “liking feet a little.”
Then he started asking what I liked about feet.
I told him I mostly liked how they fit into shoes and get me where I need to go.
He didn’t seem moved.
We wished each other well, and I blocked the latest “Not Mr. Right.”
Honestly, I was thinking our problem would be distance or his work schedule—not his extreme interest in my feet.
Oh well.
I’ll leave you with this inspirational thought: May your feet take you where your heart wants to go.