Have you ever had a child or someone who supposedly cares about you say, “This tastes terrible. Try it”? No thanks. I’ll take their word for it. That’s a lot like online dating.
A chainsaw on a coffee table in the background of a profile picture is disturbing.
So are photos taken in dark basements.
And don’t get me started on the wardrobe choices.
Most profiles basically scream, “I am a very bad idea. Try me anyway.”
I usually believe them.
I write and will share with you about a lot of crazy things in my life, but I started writing about my online dating adventures when I realized if I didn’t laugh, I would cry. Then I thought I might as well let others in on the comedy.
I hide any evidence that would reveal the person’s identity to protect the innocent, or, in some cases with the foot fetish guy, the guilty.
I have found that the real stories are funnier than anything I could have come up with on my own.
Years ago, I dated a man that I had known since third grade.
When I asked him out, he reached out to a mutual friend and told him he was thinking about dating me and asked what he thought of me.
Our friend told him, “Oh, Kristi? She is the good kind of crazy.”
I would like to think I am still the good kind of crazy, but I struggle with how much to tuck in.
I have been known to say exactly what I am thinking, and I’ve even gone as far as offering to help the airport TSA with a pat down search when I overheard one of the agents tell a sexy, muscular man that they were going to have to investigate him further.
I am just a super helpful person, and did I mention he was sexy and muscular?
A benefit of online dating is the choice to not talk to someone.
I truly believe that there is someone out there for everyone.
Each time I say no to one “wrong” person, I get closer to the one “right” person.
I would never intentionally be mean to someone, but there are times that it is not beneficial to respond to someone.
This is where, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” comes into play.
For instance, a potential suitor sent me the message: “Sup. WYD? Wut R U lookn 4?”
For the record, that hurt me to type that.
I did not respond, but I was thinking, “I am looking for someone that can spell and type complete sentences.”
See what I did there? Nothing nice, so I said nothing.
At the state track meet watching my son compete, I was sitting next to a family. I just adopted myself into their group and joined their conversation.
When we all got up to finally go home, I told them thank you for letting me interject in their conversation, and the grandma told me I made the rest of their evening much more entertaining and that I am obviously the person who actually says out loud what everyone else is thinking.
I do have a filter, but I use it sparingly.
If I can be funny without hurting anyone, I will probably go for it, even if TSA agents have no sense of humor.
Recently, I was asked if I really wanted to find someone and marry again.
Without hesitation, I said, “Yes.”
I have people ask me about my dating life all the time because I have chosen to share it openly.
I have done it for many reasons.
For example, I want people who have their lifelong loves to hold them even tighter and appreciate the things they have every day.
Also, for the ones that have been through an incredibly abusive marriage like me and escaped, I want them to pat themselves on the back for getting out and doing it on their own.
To the ones that found true love and lost it, I tell you grief gets a little better each time you take a step forward.
And to anyone of any age that is out there making any effort to find your true love, don’t give up. Push through the weird ones—the ones that still live in their parent’s basements, the ones that have to save up to go to coffee, the ones that ask you way too many questions about your feet, which is a story for next month, and keep going until you find someone amazing.
I have faith that he exists for me.
Keeping the crazy tucked in is a skill I’ve practiced most of my life, and I’m looking forward to sharing my successes, failures, and observations in each edition.